Meet Jake Anthony: "Why do people have to wear underwear?"

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

"Why do people have to wear underwear?"

OK, so I've gotten pretty good at all of these "why????" questions and believe you me, it has not been easy. The kids is just too damn smart for his own good. Gone are the days when I could simply say "Oh, I never knew that!" when I was caught multi-tasking and not quite really listening (which led to a full 2 years of "momma, did you never know?" questions). Now, he even throws in a trick question here and there, just to see if I'm listening. With that cute, innocent little "right mama?" behind it, just to see if I'm paying attention.

So Monday he started swim lessons at our pool club and afterwards, I take him into the locker room and begin to change him back in to dry clothes. At which point, with a number of ladies standing around, he begins to question the usefulness of underwear. It goes something like this...me saying, Jakey please pick your foot up and put it into this leg of your underwear please and him not moving said foot, but instead asking "but why do people have to wear underwear, mamma?" In hopes of moving him along a bit, I respond...ah because otherwise your shorts would rub on your bottom and give you a rash. Nope, doesn't end there. "But mama, my shorts are very soft so why would they hurt my bottom?" Me... "well not all shorts and pants are soft, so you need to wear underwear and besides your underwear keeps your bottom, which can get dirty and smelly during the day from touching your pants or shorts"

The Boy..."But then why does my Nanny wash my shorts and pants if they don't touch my bottom? And if my bottom does touch them, she washes them anyway, so it's OK" Me... "It's just a law of nature, you have to wear underwear (can you tell I'm running out of solid rationale here? and getting close to the "because I said so" line I swore I would never use) Boy Genius... "But mama, I could get dressed much more faster (he's big on "much more" these days) if I didn't have to wear them and you could save your money and buy me toys, I would much more (see what I mean) rather have toys than underwear"

A starting to get frustrated me..."Jakey, can we possibly have this debate at home and not here in the middle of the locker room with you and your naked bottom hanging out...cause mommy is tired and hungry and I'd like to get home sometime tonight?!?!?" The negotiator... "Then I shouldn't wear underwear and we could get home much more quicker, mommy"... An exasperated me: "OK, at this point, you're about to have to walk out of here butt naked boy, so pick what u want to put on and let's GO" Any guesses what he picked? Yep, NO underwear.

And the whole way home, "But Momma, WHY do I have to wear them, my bottom feels much more better like this?" Oy vey!!!!

And the truth is, I really could NOT think of one good reason why he had to wear underwear?!?!?!?!?!?!? Any and all suggestions (because this subject WILL arise again) are totally welcome...

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About Jake Anthony

Jake was born on Aug 19, 2005, he weighed a hefty 9lbs 10oz, was 22 inches long (before you say "ouch" it was by C-section) and was welcomed into this world by his mommy, nanny, pops, uncle JJ, LaLa, Aunt Bear, Aunt No-No, Aunt Amy, Aunt CC, Aunt Razz, Aunt Titi, Aunt GG and Aunt Tracey (soon to be Aunt Dana too). To say he was a "dream come true" would be the understatement of the century!!

I had always dreamed of being a mommy and for some reason, had always wanted a boy. (So much so, that I enrolled in the MicroSort clinical trial for gender selection and had the sperm sorted to increase the odds to 85%.) Jake was conceived using IVF and donor #1876 from Fairfax. The donor selection was a VERY serious process including a thorough analysis of every detail imaginable. In the end, the pool was narrowed down to four possible choices, and each of the Posse (his group of Aunts) had an opportunity to evaluate the bio and stats and vote for a 1st, 2nd, and 3rd choice. The votes were tallied and actually, there was a tie between the one we called "Giraffe" and the one we called "James" (because he looked a lot like my brother). For the initial attempt, I went with Giraffe, but after no luck with 2 AI cycles, I switched to "James" (1876) and transitioned to IVF.

The first IVF attempt resulted in 8 eggs, 6 of which survived the fertilization process and 5 of which made it to day 5. PGD testing revealed that there was only 1 healthy normal embryo in the mix and luck would have it, it was a boy! The pregnancy, however, lasted only 8 weeks before I was told it was a non-progressing pregnancy. After that VERY big disappointment and weeks of waiting (and a DNC...uggh), I had the opportunity to try again.

This time, I was rushed in at day 3 and told that the 3 remaining fertilized eggs would not make it to day 5. The absolutely FUNNIEST part of this whole story involved my mom. I had not planned to go to have the procedure on Day 3, so my mom and I had to scramble to get there. (I received the message so late that they actually had to stay open late for me and I had to drive up from South Jersey 3 hours to get there....talk about driving at the speed of light.)

So, my mom meets me and we drive up together and on the way up I tell her "mom, no matter what they say, I only want to put 1 egg back in. I'm having this baby on my own and we already have a strong history of twins in the family and I don't want to risk ending up with 3! Mom, I really need you to be with me on this because they always push you to put more in to increase the odds of success." To which she replied, yes, no problem, I understand."

So, we meet with the doctor and he says, you have 3 remaining embryos, we couldn't do the PGD so we have no idea if any are normal (let alone the sex), so I'm recommending you put all 3 back in. My eyes open wide and I say "ALL 3????" I turn to my mom and she says "I agree with the doctor"...LOL!! And before I knew what hit me, off I went into the surgical suite...

And the result, is the most lovable, adorable, smart little boy in the whole world...hope you enjoy reading about him even half as much as I enjoy raising him...