The Power (and responsibility) of Being A Parent...

Well, this weekend was not quite as we had hoped. Jakey's 4th birthday bash was washed out and had to be rescheduled to Sept 12th. Leaving me to wonder if we just weren't always meant to have it in September, because this would have been the very first time we actually held it in the month that he was born (Aug) and alas, the heavens felt it was not as it should be? In the end, all things DO happen for a reason though, because Jake had a 101.7 fever on Friday night and that, plus the threat of rain, would have definitely sent me over the edge (BIG time) if I had NOT decided to postpone.



Then we awoke to the picture perfect bday party day today (Sunday) and all day, I kept thinking WHY couldn't this have been yesterday?!?!?!? Oh well, again one look at Jakey was all it took to remind me that it just wasn't meant to be as he still looked a little "wilted" and was coughing even more than yesterday. Seems a pajama day was exactly what we needed because by tonight, although the cough remained, he seemed a bit better...and nanny and I certainly didn't mind the rest!! LOL



Which brings me to the driving reason behind tonight's post... As I was kneeling on the floor next to his bed tonight, rubbing his back, listening to his incredibly cool new ipod speakers from his Aunt Maria (who he affectionately refers to as "my friend, Maria") and Aunt Maureen, I couldn't help but think about both the power and responsibility that I had to/for this little life. In that moment, as the words in the song we were listening to said "life's about change, nothing ever stays the same", I realized how very true that was. It seemed like only yesterday, or at the most last week, that I was leaning in over the crib rail rubbing his little back and here we are with 4 candles on the cake...how did that happen?!?!?



But, more importantly than the time that has mysteriously passed at the speed of light, is the thought that even this time, the here and now, will soon seem like a not so distant memory. And before we know it, there will be 14 candles on that cake and then 24 and on and on. So, what does this have to do with "power" and "responsibility"? Well, in that quiet moment while I was watching him drift peacefully off to sleep, I realized that today, I have the ability to basically control most of what my son experiences. Put in the simplest form...I have the "power" to make him happy or sad...to ensure he feels loved at every turn...I basically control his environment, his world and how he's feeling in it.



And when I really think about it, honestly, it's not all that hard to do...right now, anyway. Happy is a full tummy, enough sleep and more than his share of my attention.

• It's unconditional love that comes in the form of kisses and hugs and snuggles and just pure mommy adoration.


• It's complete and instant forgiveness to ANY and ALL mishaps in return for a little voice saying "I'm sorry, mommy."


• It's answering to the thousandth "mommy?" with as much love in my voice as I did the very first. (Admittedly, I don't always get this one quite right)


• It's letting a warm little body sneak his way into my bed at 5 or 6 in the morning knowing that 15 minutes later, I'll be holding on to the 3 inches of the king size bed that's been left for me as he relentlessly pinches my "waddle".


• It's cream cheese sandwiches with the "skin" (aka, crust) cut off and green ice cream with rainbow sprinkles.


• It's being willing to watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse repeats for the 50th time and listening to Hannah Montana sing "The Climb" until I'm ready to climb out the car window.


• It's staying up past 1 am researching the very best in multi-layered puzzles, marble mazes, sudoku puzzles for kids (and YES, he can do these...it's amazing), and anything else that might keep this intellectually curious pre-schooler challenged.


• It's answering every "Momma, did you never know....??" question with the best possible answer, even when it was just answered 10 minutes earlier and the day before and the day before that.


• It's carrying that 43 lb body up and down the stairs when those hands raise up to me, even with my briefcase and a million other things that need to make their way back to where they came from in tow...while the whole time reminding myself that some day in the not so distant future, I won't be able to pick him up and hold him like that anymore.


• It's one more book before bed and one more minute of rocking in the rocking chair, one more kiss before leaving the room, and one more time of asking that nightly bedtime question...yes, the one I've asked him every night of his life from the day he was born... "Jake Anthony...who could love you more than your mommy? who could possibly love you more than mommy?" To which he giggles and replies either "Jordan" or "Everyone"...either of which earns him a bunch of tickles.


• It's staying right there when he says "please stay and rub my back a little more momma", because there's just no place more important I need to be (even if it's 8:00 and I'm still in my work clothes).

And, of course, these are all the things (and a million more) that I should/could do to make my little boy feel happy and loved. But being human, every day I do some well and others I wish I had done better. Yet, somehow, until that moment tonight, I hadn't really thought about how much "power" comes with the "responsibility" of being his mommy and how, I will slowly over time lose this control to the influences that come from the world outside my control.



How a time will come when my love alone won't be enough to make him feel secure. When my arms alone won't be enough to make him feel safe. When what I think and what I say will only be one part of a multi-faceted equation that he'll use to determine happiness and sadness in each and every day. When I will no longer be able to kiss all the boo boos away and make everything ok with a bowl of green ice cream and the right kind of sprinkles. Yes, back in the simplest of terms... I will no longer have the power to control whether he's happy or sad, safe or afraid, feeling loved or unloved. Though I somehow doubt I will ever feel less responsible for it...because, after all, he'll always be my baby.



So, for me, this was a stark reminder of the wonderful opportunity that I have today and a little reminder of the awesome power that comes with the responsibility for this little life... And although I try not to take anything for granted, this will certainly cause me to check and recheck myself on that each and every day. And hopefully, even remember to take a deep breath and respond lovingly to each and every "mommy?" that comes my way! LOL

In closing, if I'm being honest, it did also cause me to question whether I had done the right thing making him give up his beloved paci yesterday?!?!?! Again, knowing HOW much he loved that thing and how incredibly soothing it was for him...should I have forced him to give it up? Of course, it didn't help to have Nanny come downstairs after getting him to sleep and say "oh, I was laying there next to him thinking how sad it is that we HAD to make him give up his paci"...with tears in her eyes, no less!!!! Ahhh, just one of many things I'm sure I'll second guess myself on as the years go on...after all, this mommy job doesn't come with an training, it's all "on the job"!

Thanks to all of the important people in our lives who help me to make more right decisions than wrong and who help me to make Jakey feel like the most loved little boy in the world!!! Whether consciously or not, you all share in this awesome balance of power and responsibility with me and not a day goes by that I'm not thankful to have you in it with me!!!!

Here's the best proof of all that we must be doing something right...pictures of one happy, and totally loved little boy!!!

Notice the waddle pinching going on here!!!

Out at dinner with Chris Aziz and some of the Posse...could he possibly get ANY happier?!?!

That's OUR boy...adorable, happy, smart and loving!!!!!!! So far, so good...

Jake's View on Health Care...LOL

Those of us who work in the health care industry know that these are certainly complicated and challenging times. While those of us who have to USE the health care system know that something is about to happen...not many of us know exactly what that might be?!?

In the meanwhile, as we all wait and watch the battles that continue to rage on capital hill, I thought we might all benefit from a few insightful tips from our little 4 yr old scholar, Jake Anthony...

Today, while driving home from camp, Jake told me that his eyes had been hurting him all day. He said the left eye just needed to be "told to shape up" (something I realize I've been saying a lot of lately), but the right eye really just needed to be "thrown away". When I asked what he would do if we were to throw away that bad right eye, he responded as any observant 4 yr old of a mother addicted to amazon.com might respond..."Mommy, I'm just gonna go on my blackberry and order a new one (now, don't panic, he doesn't really have a blackberry...well, he does have one of my old ones, but it's not functional...well, it is functional and he uses it to pretend to order things, but it's not hooked up to any network...at least, I don't think it is?!? LOL) Then I can go to sleep tonight without it, because I keep my eyes closed anyway. And tomorrow, that man in the brown truck (UPS) or the one with the orange on it (Fed-Ex) can come here and bring me a new one!" From the mouth of babes...

Hmmm...wouldn't it be nice if it really worked that way?!?!?Just think...don't like the size of your hips...just go online and order some new ones. Have a foot that's bothering you or a "wonky leg", an order to amazon.com will do the trick! And if you have amazon prime, you can have free 2 day delivery!

After contemplating this idea, I asked him what would happen if the new eye came and it didn't match the color of the old eye, what would he do? He said he would throw the man who brought it in jail...which just goes to prove that even at 4 it's obvious that litigation is the only sensible answer to any medical mix-up. And then, he would ask Nanny to return it for him...which is ALSO what his mommy does to poor Nanny ALL the time!!! LOL

As we pulled into the driveway, he asked me for a tissue and although I'm sure that I have over 10,000 things in my car at any point in time, I did NOT happen to have a tissue. Which prompted him to say, he had decided to throw his nose away too because "did you never know that if you buy one thing you can get a whole other thing for not any money at all?"... which is his version of my explanation of why I sometimes buy him two of the same thing (in different sizes) when there is a buy one, get one free sale...oh vey, the boy doesn't miss a thing!

And, finally, the Jake line of the week (yes, and it's only Monday!)... when asked, so Jakey, who's coming to your party this Saturday??? He said (to the lady in the Party City store)... "oh just a hundred people who love me best!"... What better answer could there be?!?!?

Hope everyone has a great week!

Some new pics, as promised...

Relaxing after a hard day at work

Hang'in at the PPB boardwalk with his cousin, Timmy
Timmy, Chris and Jake

To Be, Or Not to Be...4!!!!

Yesterday, my baby boy turned 4 years old!!! And, well, truth be told, it was sort of a bittersweet moment for me...because, if I had my way, we would have been celebrating the 4 MONTH mark again...LOL Sure, there are a whole lot of things that I enjoy about having a 4 year old...no more diapers, no getting up every few hours all night long, no spitting up and 5 changes of clothes a day, the ability to have an actual conversation (though that, my friends, is definitely a double edged sword), etc. But, oh how I just LOVED having a baby...those baby toes, that baby smell, those baby snuggles... (and no, Nanny, I'm NOT going to have another one!!)

Luckily for me, I must have the sweetest 4 year old boy in the world. We still rock every night before bed and he still loves to be held and cuddled and kissed...the only difference, and it's a nice one, is that he can now actually do those things back. And what's better than hearing that little voice say in return "I love you too, momma"?!?!? Still melts my heart...

So, for those wondering where we are with the "he'll be giving up his paci when he turns 4" proclamation, here's the update: There was a plan that on his 4th bday he would take his paci out and throw it in the garbage truck. Well, garbage goes out on Tuesdays here and wouldn't you know, his bday was on a Wed. Sooooo, I decided to extend the deadline to the day of his party. On that day, we'll have a BIG, HUGE, WOMPING, throw your paci in the trash ceremony where everyone cheers and claps and then he's SO exhausted from playing, eating, opening presents that day that he passes out without it "easily" that night... I know, oh God, the best laid plans, right?? Well, in the end, truth be told, I was the one who wasn't ready for him to give it up mid-week. But I'm determined to stick to the party plan...fingers crossed! Nanny, on the other hand, has announced she's taking an LOA (leave of absence) from her duties here when that time comes...personally, I think it sounds like the perfect time for an international trip for work, no?

So where is Jakey at age 4 and what's he been up to? Well here's a snapshot of some of his development milestones and to attempt to be balanced here, some "areas of opportunity":

• Jake still LOVES numbers and counting and the Posse is sure that someday soon we'll be asking the waiter at the restaurant to hand the check to the little guy at the end of table so he can figure out the tip and what we all owe. Aunt No No is also counting the days until he's tall enough to go to AC to count cards for her at the black jack table...LOL

• I'm not sure what to say about how high he can now count because I'm not sure there's really a limit anymore? He's totally gotten the concept of how counting works, so he can count to 100 (by 1's, 2's, 5's and 10's) and only really stops because he gets bored with going any higher. But he will count by 100's to a thousand and by thousands to 100,000. And of course, he can go UP and DOWN.

• Jake also gets the concept of adding, subtracting and dividing. On a daily basis, he will find some way to show me that he's always trying to figure this stuff out...like by trying to convince me that he needs yet another Dibs ice cream nugget because when he pairs them up to count by 2's, there's one without a pair. Or even better, when he lines them up by 5's, he needs 3 more because 2 are left all alone and that's a big problem. I'm frequently impressed enough to give in...

• We've slowed down a bit on the reading front, and I think this is probably due to the transition from school to camp. I was sure he was on the verge of outright reading, but he's not as interested in trying to figure words out as he once was. Though, in his defense, today we passed a truck with Ritz crackers on it and he said "look at that truck, momma" and when I said "yes, it's carrying crackers", he replied "it's carrying RITZ crackers, momma"... not bad

• He's progressed tremendously on the writing front and can basically write every letter in both uppercase and lowercase and all are really clear now. I've started asking him to write things on the grocery list for me, especially when there's something he's asking for and this (although challenging at times when I get to the store) has given him a purpose for practicing his writing.

• He knows his continents, can say them and identify them on the world map, can put together a puzzle of the United States (while Nanny and I still have to look at the picture on the box) and knows the names of at least 25% of them, including where we live and where within the state of NJ our house is...where his sisters Hallie and Baby Lea, his girl Jordan, his brothers Ben and Cole, and cousins Braden and Jackson live.

• So, all in all, intellectually he's coming along really well. Emotionally...well, let's just say he's about as likely to call you a "poopie head" as he is to tell you the continents...LOL Clearly he's very much a young 4 yr old and all boy when it comes to that!

• Another area of opportunity is the area of sports. (Oh how the hair on the back of my neck stands up when I even say that) A few days ago I took him to a free soccer clinic for kids in our town and he lasted less than 20 mins before wanting to be picked up, held, laying on the grass. The boy just doesn't like the idea of waiting in line, waiting his turn, etc. So, I'm hoping soccer just isn't his sport (because this was not the first disaster we had)...but I'm starting to wonder if he may just need more intensity then sports like soccer and t-ball have, at least when they're just drilling and practicing. Maybe he'll be more of a bb guy (God knows he's going to be tall enough) or tennis or even more individual sports? Maybe he'll be an ironman like his Aunt Bear? OK, OK, I can dream, can't I?

• Our boy also has a bit of a temper (which I've realized recently may have come from me...yikes). He's frequently heard saying "I quit you" these days and although we're not quite sure about the phrasing, we're crystal clear on what he means. To my utter dismay, he also says when very angry and to evoke a response... "I don't love you anymore". Oh boy, do I HATE that one!! Which of course, just makes him use it more to get me to react.

• Some of his cute Jakey sayings now include: "Momma, did you never know that my "canitials" are J-A-B... "Mommy, I want the same thing I had last day"...which is jakey for yesterday...

• He's still into Mickey Mouse Club House, but has not developed an all out obsession with Hannah Montana!!!! To the point that I actually had to buy him a HM lunch box as a reward for a dozen days of waking up with a dry pull-up. I nearly passed out when he asked for it!!! Then at the register, the cashier kept trying to convince me to go back and pick out the free backpack you get with the purchase of our lunch box and I finally had to tell her that I did NOT want to give him the opportunity to pick out a backpack for fear he was going to pick the PINK HM one!!!!! Oh my...

In other news, Pops and I took him to the Jets first pre-season game last weekend and we actually made it all the way to the middle of the 4th quarter (before I was ready to throw him over the rail). He still has no interest in the game, but loves to throw paper airplanes down on the unsuspecting people below and those who sit all around us, are content to continue to make them for him...tells you something about how exciting the games can be, no?

Uncle Sal is in town from Florida and today we took him and Nanny up to visit with Jake's cousins Darian, Shay, Mitch, Big Jake and Marco. The boys spent quite a bit of time swimming, though Jake certainly logged the most hours in the pool (like almost all day long) and for the VERY FIRST time he experimented with goggles and put his head completely under the water and swam (well, I'm usually that term liberally here). But for the boy who would barely dip his nose in, this was a VERY BIG accomplishment!!! So, needless to say, I went right on amazon.com and his own goggles will be arriving sometime tomorrow...LOL (Those who know me know I'm an Amazon addict)

Jakey, Nanny and I also enjoyed a very nice time down the shore at "uncle Roger's" beach house last week for a few days. He had a blast playing with Aunt Bear and then with his girl Jordan and Aunt GG. And boy has he made a complete turnaround when it comes to the beach and the sand...seems if he and Jo-Jo have a couple of holes in the sand that can be filled up with water as the waves come in, all is right in the world...and I mean for HOURS. The boy, who is normally close to the whitest person we all know, now even has a little beach boy tan and it's very fetching on him, if I do say so myself! After all, what's cuter than tan tiny little toes? (On feet that will undoubtedly some day be size 16s...oh my)

Well, that's about it for right now...promise to add some pics real soon! And VERY psyched about his upcoming bday bash on Aug 29th!! Woo-hoo, the obstacle course challenge will be up and ready! Let's hope we don't have a 90/90 day or we may all die of heat exhaustion.

More soon (well, probably not real soon...LOL)