A Couple of Recent Conversations With Jake...

In an attempt to put a stop to some recent bad behavior (talking back, not listening, etc.), we've begun to use Super Nanny's (the show on TV, not our Super Nanny who used to be Bad Nanny) timeout technique which she refers to as the "naughty step" or "naughty seat", depending obviously on the spot you select.  We've gone with the "naughty step" and needless to say, Jake is NOT at all fond of the technique and/or the step or me when I use it.  (And to be honest, I shouldn't say "we're" using this technique, because truth be told, Nanny prefers to put HERSELF in time out and just retreat to her room when he gives her a hard time...she might be the smart one here.)

A few days ago, he was particularly riled up when I placed him on the naughty step and began what turned out to be a 5 minute rambling of various little things to try to get me as riled up as him.  Here are some of the excerpts (which are fit for printing)...

"Momma, you are the "worstest" and meanest mommy on the block, in NJ, in the United States, in North America in the world...oh, and on Saturn too."  Who knew, there were mommies on Saturn?!?  LOL 

"Momma, you let me off this step right now or else I'm going to write a letter to Santa and he's not going to bring you ANY presents next year"...

"Mom, when I get bigger than you, I'm going to make YOU sit on this step all day and all night until your butt hurts"...(hmmm, lucky for me that I happen to have a lot of padding back there)...

"Mommy is a big bad baby,  and nobody likes her...Quincey, do you like her?  I don't either.  Mommy, Quincey doesn't like you either."  Hmmm, didnt know Q was harboring all of those bad feelings inside all these years... the little traitor dog...LOL

"Momma, you're in BIG trouble now because God is watching you and you're gonna have a lot of explaining to do or you're going to have to go to that place with all the fire now.  And Nanny isn't going to say anymore prayers for you either!"...

"Mom, I'm just "agnoring" (his version of annoying and ignoring) you now.  So you should just let me off this step because you're going to feel worse than I do when it's done"... he's sometimes right on that one.

"Mommy, when I get off this step, I'm calling my Nanny and she's YOUR mommy and she's going to make YOU sit on the step and that's a WHOLE lot of minutes that you'd have to stay here"... (it's one minute for every year old you are...so that translates into you are a WHOLE lot old, mom)

"Mommy, I have to go potty really bad and if you make me hold it that's going to not be good for my body and everything will back up into my large intestine" and then Aunt Bear is going to get mad at you because I'll have to go to "my" emergency room and she'll have to come there because you can't ever be there by yourself and I don't think you want Aunt Bear to be mad at you too, do you?... (First Santa, then God, then Nanny and now AB?) 

Now the technique calls for absolutely NO talking to him while he's on the step and it takes EVERYTHING I have to not go over there and get into some useless debate with him about the things he's saying or drop kick him into the neighbor's yard.  Can't be sure who's happier to hear the 5 minute timer go off...him or me?!?!?  LOL

Conversation #2:

As I was putting Jake to bed tonight he's tossing and turning and I'm trying to rub his back and praying that he will settle down and go to sleep (already).  As his eyes are just beginning to close, they pop back open wide and he says "Momma?"  To which I reply, "no talking Jake, it's bedtime."  But he continues... "Momma, I have to ask you something really important."  OK, Jake, what is it?  "Momma, is 24 + 24 equal to 48? Because I know that 25 + 25 = 50 and I think if I take 1 off of 25 and 1 off the other 25 then that would be 2 less than 50, which would be 48.  Is that right, Momma?"  YES, Jake, that's right!  "So here's the real question, Momma...how can you add two odd numbers (25+25) and get an even number like 50 and also add two even numbers like 24+24 and ALSO get an even number like 48?"  Now, it's 8:30 and I haven't eaten anything yet for dinner and I'm still in my work clothes and I left the house early this morning and haven't stopped all day at work and then took him to gymnastics, fed him and gave him a bath and now, he wants to have an in depth discussion about mathematical properties?!?!?!?  One side of my brain is saying... "encourage him, this is fantastic, he's only 5 and he totally has a brain made for math"  while the other side is saying..."you're tired, you're hungry, you're still in your work clothes, for Christ sake, just say you don't know and make him go to sleep"...Any guesses which path I took?

A couple of days ago, Nanny made her daily trip to WaWa for her sacred cup of coffee and picked up a "surprise" for Jake.  When she got home, she told him that if he was good, he would get a surprise.  Of course, he asked what it was and she told him that it was a "surprise" and that she couldn't tell him.  Well about 5 minutes later, he picks up the receipt from the store and says "Nanny, I know what the surprise is!  It says on here that you bought a coffee, the newspaper and a DONUT for me!!"  Well, this shocked Nanny so much that she had to call me at work to tell me...I didn't have the heart to tell her that he can read just about anything now!!!

As I always say...Life with Jake is NEVER, EVER boring...