When "no" means "yes" & "yes" means "no"

Somewhere along the line, I mistakenly came to believe that being a mommy (or parent of any type) allows you some inherent right to say "no" and actually mean "no". I always thought that it was all a matter of hitting just the right tone of voice...somewhere between a subtle plea and an insane rant... accompanied by just the right facial expression...again, somewhere between the "I'm a pushover look" and the "I'm going to drop kick you into the next yard" look that would do the trick. Alas, I could not have been more wrong! The parenting books are all over the place on this, from those that swear you should...be consistent, be persistent, be firm... to those who preach...redirect, reconnect, be kind.

On the other hand, some friends, grandparents, siblings insist a good "swat on the rear end" would do the trick, all of whom are all too willing to share some vivid memories of their own childhoods gone past...including the 'ol I was hit by a shoe, by the belt, by a wooden spoon...and on and on. Through it all, the one thing that has become apparently clear to me over my first 3 years of motherhood is, nobody is right and nobody is wrong and anyone who thinks there is a clear "best approach" to the terrible 2's or the tyrannical 3's is just plain INSANE.

So, in spite of all this great advice, I still find myself sounding very much like the proverbial "broken record" these days...No, no, no, no, don't do that...followed by, PLEASE, no, no, no, don't do that...followed by a totally futile...IF you continue to do that X will happen...which, of course, leaves me with the 'ol, so do I do X now knowing the situation will only escalate or do I not do X, and risk creating the expectation of meaningless threats???? It's only at that moment where I'm contemplating which is the worst of two bad choices, that I realize that I've somehow gotten myself into that one place where parents never want to be...a parental No-Win! Yes, he's once again managed to get me at "checkmate"!!!

I'd like to consider myself to be fairly intelligent, yet I somehow allow a 3 year old to reduce me down to a bumbling idiot. I see the trap coming, and yet only once in a while do I manage to stop and avoid it. See, I know the secret way through, around, under, over this impasse is to simply say "yes" when I mean "no" and the other way around. It works EVERY time...say "don't you do X" and I'd bet you my Lexus, X is what he's going to do! Say "you better not eat that oatmeal" and the oatmeal will disappear before your eyes. Say "hurry, go out without your coat so I can wear it" and ON goes the coat. Say what you REALLY mean and you're in for a battle.

In all honesty, if I had known parenting was going to be like this I would have been a psychology major instead of an engineer...because there is absolutely no logic in any of this! It's like years ago when those calculators came out with "reverse polish notation" and we all had to struggle to figure out how to think backwards about things...little did I know that that little calculator would be such a great parenting training device...I probably would still be using it...LOL

So, on the flip side of all of this, is the fact that Jake is really, really starting to talk more now!! And it's still amazing to hear some of the things our little parrot comes back at us with...some of the newest favorites are "that's not true"..."I don't care"..."I need some time alone right now"..."momma, what did I say?" (said with hands on hips)..."I said no"..."momma, I'm ready to listen to your words now" (in a desperate attempt to get out of time out). Sometimes these are said at just the right moment with exactly the right tone, facial expression and stance that it takes everything we have for Nanny and I not to laugh out loud.

Jake also continues to amaze us with his aptitude for numbers, counting, letters and spelling. He can now count to 100 by 10's and back down again by 10's. A skill his teacher says you wouldn't expect a child to master until 2nd grade (age 7)!! In addition to all of the things he's been spelling for a year or so now...he also remembers how to spell his girl Jordan's name, NY Liberty (pronounced NY Livery), Slow, Stop, Go, Cat, Dog and on and on. At his school, every morning he continues to help his friends to pick out their name cards, and then spells their name for them to try to help them learn to do it on their own. They mostly just look at him like he's a little odd, but it doesn't dissuade him from continuing to try. And once in a while, just to make us all catch our breath, he will say the alphabet backwards...pausing as he goes to allow us to say it forward to check to see if he's right. Funny, but also a little scary too.

Here are a few recent shots of him with his big buckle, like his JJ wears (eating the donut I just told him he could NOT have...LOL

With his nanny...who of course, manages to cover the buckle in every shot...LOL
Two big men getting ready to hit the town....

So, we're T-3 for Disney World and out of the two of us, I'm definitely the one who's most excited about it (though definitely NOT about the packing that goes with it). He does wake up every morning and say "we go and see Mickey today, Momma?" And he's been exceptionally good about taking his medicine and vitamins this past week once he learned that they don't allow anyone who's sick to come to Disney because they might get Mickey and some of his friends sick too (hey, I'm not above a little white lie to get him to take his meds). I just can't wait to see the wonder unfold as he takes in his first view of the Magic Kingdom and meets Mickey for the very first time!!!!! The only thing likely to beat this trip will be the first Posse trip to Disney...now that's going to be a blast!! (Since we're all still basically kids at heart)

Hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving...We certainly did and we're quite sure we know all that we have to be thankful for...including YOU!!!

XXXOOO

p.s. Next post will be post-Disney!

p.p.s. Line of the week...(In response to my saying mommy wants to sleep until the clock says 10 something, ok?) "Momma, your clock says 7-0-0...that's seven hundred and that's way more than 10, so it's time to get up!!"

Potty Power!!!

Just a short post, which will hopefully NOT jinx us, about our boy's recent potty success... So, today actually marked the 4th day in the row without an accident!!! May not sound like much, but when you consider we used to count in terms of minutes, four days is an eternity!!!

Last night, he actually woke up and came in my room (scared the heck out of Q and I, but we're getting used that) and said "momma, I have to go potty". We went in, he went and then went right back off to bed...niceeeeeee!!!

Today he made it through school without an accident and even wore his cute little sponge bob square pants big boy underwear (seems like an oxymoron doesnt it? sponge bob square pants and big boy underwear?). Then after Nanny took him to Toys R Us, because of course we're bribing him for every day that's accident free, she wanted to take him for pizza and he said "no nanny, I need to go home and go potty". Could this be? My boy, passing up pizza for the potty??!?!?

At the risk of celebrating prematurely...WOO HOO, WOO HOO, WOO HOO, WOO HOO (one for each accident free day)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What's cuter than little toes hanging off the potty?!?!?! More soon...

Mommy Time Outs...

Anyone who knows me, knows I'm determined to do whatever it takes to ensure my son doesn't grow up with a "fat mommy"... Sure, you may not know this by looking at me these days, but believe you me, it's still true!!! So, I've recommitted to weight watchers (for the umpteenth time), am working out with a personal trainer 3 times a week and have also created this little overall exercise plan that calls for running a mere 2 miles on those days when I'm not with the trainer. Sounds easy, right?


Well, I started off the week with a bang and had two great training sessions at the gym on Mon and Tues...woo-hoo! Then, last night, the first of my 2 mile run nights, I changed into my running clothes, put on my new running shoes (from awesome Aunt CC and Aunt Amy), and started the nightly ritual of trying to get my little energizer bunny off to dreamland. (Why this process alone doesn't burn a gazillion calories, is beyond me?) As I lay across my bed, staring intently at the video monitor, hoping beyond hope, that he was about to doze off...I dozed off. I know, not a surprise to anyone who knows me! And there I slept until awoken at 3 am by a little schnauzer who wanted under the covers. So much for that run...ugghh!!!


So, this morning, determined to NOT blow my little exercise plan during the very first week, I got up, took a not so energized little bunny to school and came back home and ran those darn 2 miles. As I sat there recovering from what used to seem like just a warm up run, I started to wonder what it is about motherhood that makes a person SO DARN tired? Wait, tired is definitely too weak a word here...EXHAUSTED...ah, that's more like it!


Now, I've never been in great physical shape, but I've certainly not been a couch potato all of my life either. I've hiked Half Dome (in Yosemite) twice and once even managed to pull my weary self up the cables to the top. (OK, OK, before Aunt Bear jumps in here, YES, YES, YES, she had to carry my pack for a little stretch during one of the hikes up because I really did hit the wall and was crying, laughing, and about to pass out...and YES, I did vomit upon returning to the car, but I made it there all the same) Somehow this whole mommy thing makes that look like a walk in the park! How's that possible?!?!?


Well, then I thought about it and I realized that even during those hikes, there were opportunities to stop and take a break while this mommy thing is more like a total all out SPRINT...there are no "time outs" to be called, no "half time", no "substitutions" to be made...there's ONLY you! And to further complicate things, there is no training program that prepares you for this...it's all ON THE JOB training. And although I'm far from being there, I'm quite sure you don't get to "retire" either!! No term limits, it's a lifetime appointment...


Of course, all of this comes with an unbelievable amount of upside...so, don't get me wrong, there's not a day that goes by that I don't feel incredibly blessed (there are minutes of that day that I may feel otherwise...LOL). But what I can't figure out is how ANY one who is a mommy could be anything other than skinny as a rail?!?!?!? For one, I usually can't even recall what I ate because I'm too busy trying to convince my little guy to eat something, anything...to sit at the table...to not feed the dog...to not spill or splatter his chocolate milk and then smear it across the table like it's finger paint...to not stand on his chair, not feed the child sitting next to him and a hundred other little things that go into every meal time. Which makes me wonder, how any child actually gains any weight, grows and thrives with the amount of real, good food we manage to get into them?!?!


So, I ask you, how do mommy's actually gain weight or have a hard time losing it? We rarely get to sit and eat, we rarely get to sit, period...we are in a constant state of cleaning up, gathering, chasing, corralling, cajoling, begging, pleading, loving, hugging, kissing, yelling, diapering (or pottying if you're among the lucky ones), dressing, redressing, undressing, bathing, brushing teeth, reading stories, playing with toys, cleaning up said toys, drying tears, kissing boo-boos, making breakfast, lunch and dinner and making them again when the first is deemed inedible, chasing away nighttime monsters, carrying boys who are getting way too big to be carried, finding paci's which should have been a thing of the past long ago, and the millions of other things that go into each and every day... How, on Earth, does that not burn a gazillion calories?!?!?!


For those reading this thinking "I don't know how you do it?"...don't worry, those of us who are mommies, don't know how we do it either! LOL We just know there is no other option but to do it and do it the VERY best we can!!! That said, though, there are days like today, when I'm supposed to be at work, or doing a million things around the house, but all I can think about is taking a little time to regroup and catch my breath. ..sort of like a "mommy time out"...LOL It's actually quite an interesting feeling to be somewhere between the two worlds that I live in...work and home. All I need is a little Calgon and the 'ol "take me away" music playing in the background while I soak in the jacuzzi tub and it would be perfect. On second thought, too bad I can't get good 'ol Aunt Bear to "carry my pack" for a little while, eh?!??!?! LOL LOL


Although I should be going off to work...I'm going off to take a middle of the day nap...woo-hoo for mommy time outs! I wonder how many each team gets???????

A Little Rain Can't Slow Us Down!!

Well, we had been SO looking forward to our playdate with Jake's donor sibling (who he just calls his "sister" now...very cool), Hallie and of course, his girl Jordan and his other two little buddies, Alyssa and Morgan and all the various adults that go with them (Aunt No-No, Aunt Bear, Aunt Razz, Aunt GG, Titi, Sharon and Abby). We were supposed to go pumpkin picking (like I needed anymore pumpkins?!?!) and on a hayride and enjoy a beautiful fall day outside. And to make it even more special, the date we chose was his Aunt Bear's birthday!! (He told her she was 14 now, although we all know she's acts closer to 4...LOL)Well, in spite of our best "no rain" dance and a little tease of morning sunshine, it was coming down in buckets by early afternoon. ...Time for the back-up plan!!!

So, we all went to Kid Junction for a little sliding, jumping, riding, shopping and/or dress-up fun. Now Jake and I have been there a few previous times and I must admit, a couple of those times the place was just PACKED with wild kids running around and a bunch of birthday parties...so, immediately following the failed "no rain" dance, I began to furiously pray for something a little less chaotic. Luckily, it wasn't too bad and in the end, as I should have suspected, we just took over one part of the place and basically made ourselves right at home. (Of course, this was supposed to be the "little kids" area reserved for the "under 3" crowd...but you know how we are when it comes to rules that don't fit with our plans!)

The kids had a total BLAST!!! It was awesome to get to see them all play together...well, sort of "together". (I've come to realize that "play dates" are really about selecting a date to meet to play in the same place...not to actually play "together", as the word "date" might otherwise imply. I've also learned a recent lesson about "sleepovers" and how equally deceiving the word "sleep" can be in that as well...but we'll leave that for another time.) Of course, I had both my new digital camera and my video camera out on the counter to take with me and NEITHER actually made the trip. Sometimes I'm amazed that I actually remember to take the boy with me...LOL Sharon and Abby had their camera with them and they took some good shots, some of which can be seen on blogginghallie@blogspot.com. (Which, by the way, is the awesome blog that was the inspiration behind my starting this one! Thanks, Abby!!)

Well, 3 hours later...YES, 3 HOURS LATER, we walked out having played and eaten pizza and without any trips, slips or boo boos to be had. I think the longest Jakey has ever lasted in one of those places without either getting bored or turning into monster child was about 45 mins to an hour. Needless to say, a LOT of fun was had by all!!!

Afterwards, though you might have imagined the children would have been tired out...ahhh, that would be NO, Hallie, Alyssa and Morgan came back to play in the Toys R Us room at Jake's house. We had ice cream cake and sang "happy birthday" to old Aunt Bear...

Then we played in the wagon inside the house...what are kitchens for??

Check out his arm around her, could they possibly be any cuter??!?!?!?


There's Aunt Razz taking video of the event for us. (Thank goodness, since my new camera was taking mostly blurry pictures...uggh!!)

Check out Hallie with that BIG smile!!! We all had a great time and we were soooo happy to get to spend time with Hallie, Sharon and Abby again!! Next time, we promised to take the trip out their way and spend the day with them in Philly.

Halloween Update:

Although I've taken nothing but abuse for the costume choice, which of course, was NOT mine, but my son's...here's a couple of shots of Jakey and his best friend, Logan and his sisters Brianna and Kailie from across the street out trick or treating. They had much more fun riding in the wagon and running and squishing their little bottoms back into it after each house than they did actually going to the doors. But, in the end, they all made a killing and went home with a mega pumpkin full of candy...

Line of the week... Jake went to a birthday party for one of his friends from his old school yesterday. At the play place, there were two of those piano keyboard toys...one had 8 keys and one had 5 keys. He checked them both out, counted them both in English and Spanish and then came back over to me and said "Momma, that one has 8 keys and the one over there has 5 keys, that makes 13 all together!" The mother sitting to my right nearly fell off of her seat... That's our boy!

Time for some SLEEP!!!

To Sleep or To Blog...That IS The Question These Days!

I have a feeling I'm not alone in this sleep vs. blog dilemma, at least not amongst fellow bloggers who have toddlers or pre-schoolers. I used to have a very nice little nightly routine which started out with a little snuggling, then teeth brushing, a few books, a little rocking and finally, a little back rubbing to get my little guy off to sleep. Well, those days are seemingly O-V-E-R!!! It seems I've given birth to a miniature version of ME...one who likes to sleep late and stay up VERY late. Now, of course, this is all well and good over the weekend, but come school nights (and mornings), this is not so good!!

The current routine goes something like this...

7 p.m. Bath time

7:30 - 7:45 Chase him around trying to get PJs on and tackle him to the floor to brush teeth

7:45 - 8:00 Read books and rock a little

8:00 Into big boy bed

8:10 Up to try to go potty (trip #1)...usually a false alarm, but who can be sure?

8:20 Up to try potty (trip #2)...also usually a false alarm...my patience is wearing thin now

8:30 Up to try potty (trip #3)...Third time is a charm! Which is what makes it SO hard to say "no" the first two times!!!

8:40 Finally get him all settled again, feety pjs back in place, blankets, pillow, baby Wilbur...check!

8:50 Back to the back rubbing...

9:00 Exit room (me, not him hopefully)

9:15 Intermittent threats yelled from my office to his room...useless, but sometimes makes me feel better all the same

9:30 Watching the monitor as he throws everything out of the bed...pillow, blanket, and even little baby Wilbur...patience at an all time low now...

9:45 Gritting my teeth as I hear "momma, I'm cold"...but even a frustrated mommy can't keep from going in and picking up the blanket and covering her little one...I'm quite sure there's some mommy guilt alarm that goes off that overrides all other emotions

10:00 Back rubbing his back again (by now I've definitely clocked enough hours to earn some masseuse certification) ...down to the last prayer I can remember from Sunday School and about to fall asleep myself while kneeling at the side of the bed

10:10 SUCCESS at last!!! Woo-hoo!! Of course, the cheering doesn't last long because I then realize that I've spent over 2 hours on this little bedtime routine and still have yet to go downstairs and clean up from the toddler tornado that hit the house earlier that morning, day, evening...oh God

11:15 House somewhat resembles a picture I once saw of it when we first moved in...well, at least I've managed to find the carpet buried deep beneath the toys and of course, the Toys R Us room is kinda sorta back in order (the definition of "order" has certainly evolved over the past few years...used to be that everything had to be in its place, not it's acceptable as long as you can walk across the room without stubbing a toe or tripping over something...LOL)

11:45 All things for the morning are ready including his clothes, mine, his backpack and mine, including, of course, the 3 changes of clothes that I had to wash that night that need to go back to school for potty "accidents" (which I've learned are not really, really "accidents"...but we'll leave that for another day)

12:00 Teeth brushed, my bedroom straightened up...I've come to realize that there's some magnetic force hidden somewhere in my room that causes stray toys to migrate there during the day...in the bathroom, in my closets, under my bed, in my bed, on my dressers, on the treadmill...you name a place, there's some kind of toy hanging out there...back they go to my office (AKA, the satellite Toys R Us room on the second floor)

It's at this point that I think...blog or sleep?!?!?!?! And, obviously over the past couple of weeks, you know which choice I made!

One thing I've definitely noticed is that the LESS Jake wants to sleep the MORE I want to. And wow, I've NEVER slept as deeply as I do since having him!!! I don't really even dream much any more and when I do, I dream about sleeping...LOL Before Jake, I used to have a hard time falling asleep at night...that's done. I used to also have a really hard time falling back to sleep if awakened by something or someone...way done! These days, I can answer a middle of the night request for a drink, or chase away monsters or move over to make room for a middle of the night visitor and within 30 seconds, I'm back in the land of the sleeping dead. BOOM, O-U-T!

I always wonder how it is that mommies can actually do this?? I can be totally OUT and Jake can just sigh heavily or roll over and make a little sound and I'm AWAKE looking at the monitor...checking to make sure everything is OK, and then... BOOM O-U-T again!!

OK, so that was just a long winded way of saying I realize that I haven't blogged in almost 2 weeks...YIKES! Where to begin?? Probably best with a new post...